Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
