What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize