I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize