it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
