we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
