Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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