I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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