like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
