i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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