They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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