his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
