you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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