im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
