I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
