Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are the jesus of drinking
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
