I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
