I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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