Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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