Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
