there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize