so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
