Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
