Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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