Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
