Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
