my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
