There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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