pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
