dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dick very happy bro
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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