Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
