Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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