i just had sex bonerless
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
