I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
