I wish I could punch you in the face.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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