forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im part way to drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
