Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
