she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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