if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
