I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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