as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
