you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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