his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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