My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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