return my video game
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize