I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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