He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
