Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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