Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
