i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize