Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
