dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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