There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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