Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
