i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
