You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
