my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
