When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
