bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
