Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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