yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had sex on a roof
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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