got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
