i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
