I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just had sex on a roof
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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