He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize