I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
