Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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