Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize