the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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