Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
