Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
