How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
