Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
