Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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